Busyness

Hmm. GoodFriday. It was a good day for me. Recently too busy with my routine n studies. At last, a day for me to rest, stop n smell the coffee.

Do u ever feel like breakin down? Do u ever wanna runaway? Do u you ever get tired? Take a rest, take a kit-kat. Take the cue from ur subconscious n if possible, quit somethg. Yes, quit something. This doesn't make us a quitter. It puts us in control of our life. Rather than being out of control.

Love urself. Take a bow to life.

Introspection

Today was cool. Pay attention on dis.

There's a very important person in ur life, someone u shud get to know. This person has great influence over u --- more than ur frens, family or ur associates. Who is it? It's *YOU*.

Spend some time alone for introspection.

Take a few minutes at the end of the dayto reflect on...

wat u think...

how u feel...

n who u r...

THINK!

Meaningless..

Haha.. yestday i didnt blog. Today oso don't plan to blog actually. Coz tmr got Chemistry test! Fuiyoh~~ Im having serious headache now. Juz ate panadol. How am I supposed to study? Wewawawa. I dunno arh. Form 6 sucks! Im tryin hard now. Listenin some songs to comfort myself. All these are meaningless rite? Basically, this is a meaningless blog. Muahaha.

Oh yea. juz some highlights here. Today I saw a great debate. But, GrRhHh~~ my school lost! I dont even know y though! It was kinda unfair! Neway, i still think dat our school's debate team is the winner! They r realli cool! (Boon, Hari, Edmund). Hmm.. i think dat's all for now lah. Gotta go n study Chem d. CiaoZ!

>*KenyZ signin Off*<

>Releasin the past<

It stil hurts, doesn't it? am I askin myself? Haha. I can stil hear the words someone said to me b4. The speech still rings in my ears. Everyone has been hurt by someone.

Im nursing the grudge... makes it hurt worse. Remembering an old wound is like rubbing salt into it. I know it stings all the more. But i cant help rememberin the old wound i had b4. Should I forgive myself in order to get rid of the past? or juz loving ppl regardless of wat they've done to me? That's the greatest love of all. A fren told me.

It sounds impossible, doesn't it? Letting go of the feelings from a past hurt is not easy. It will be like surrendering my right to hurt someone else in the way that they hurt me. No! it isn't easy. But it is the only path to freedom. Should I? Can I?

I? U? We? They? He? She? It?

Yesterday i slept late coz of some probs. My fren's.. myself's.. n i was physically not feelin well. I was so headache, stomachache, n energyless. Even now im feelin the same. I dunno y. Everyting seems getting complicated. From juz merely a simple thg, it became huge prob. N when every probs mixed together. They began to mess with my head. Im OUT of this reality world! Damn! This is sucks!

Shit! fucked off! Wat's wrong with me? Wat's wrong with my frens? What's wrong with everyone? Wat's wrong with my dad? [He's rite here scoldin me fer NOTHING!] Everyone is having problems! Duhhh. All these thgs happened but i cant realli help! Coz I myself facing probs dat i cant even solve them. Sigh. Im regret for wat i did. Mentally Im clear for wat i am now. But physically n emotionally I still cant let go of sumthg. Im pissed off by my mind. I dunno y i kept thinkin bout the past. Maybe the memories are too valuable for me? Maybe they juz cant be stored in my mind peacefully. Sometimes im haunted by them. Im so scared. Damn. I tot I've been awaken didnt i?

I just dun understand MYSELF. I dun understand U. I dun understand US. I dun understand THEM! I dun understand HIM. I dun understand HER. I dun understand IT.

A lesson learned. A decision made.

A lesson learned from my fren. She told me a meaningful love story with a sad ending. So, unwillingly... A decision was made by me too. I dunno wat I did was rite or wrong. But i did it.
N the love story goes like this...[copy-n-paste-msn-version]

"a gal n a boy...they luv each other..they have their happy moments together just 1 day..ya noe y? this guy... he cant jamin that he can give this gal happiness...n he's this gal's 1st luv..n this guy although luv this gal.. but he told this gal to break off..n said that if they r really meant to be together, they will be together... to say break off this guy is so hurt.. n so sad...but becoz of he tot tat's the best way for both of them..he broke off wit this gal..but he pretended tat he dun luv this gal anymore,,, n hurt this gal a lot..by hugging another gal in front of her.. by saying words to hurt her.. by treating other gals well but treated her badly..n pretend tat nothing had ever happened be4...this gal.. luv him so much.. accept it.. pretend nothing happen in front of everybody but actually at nites she cry.. dunno how many times d.... she noe this guy luv her.. so she had been waiting for him to say he luv her again..but she had waited n waited.. waited n waited... this guy nvr ever show this gal any concern anymore... nvr ever tell her how he feels anymore... she waited n waited... hope tat one day they'll be in luv again.. at this moment,she dun really can tell tat this guy still luv her anot..he's not sure whether he luv this gal anot.. coz all this feelings is too strange for him.. nvr had be4...but this guy continue to be happy with the other gals...wait.. be4 the ending ho.. i think i left sum points...ok.. when this guy wanna break off with this gal.. he promised to remain as friends until the time is right for them..but he din even treat her as a fren.. not even a concern when she's injured.. not even a concern when she's sick...n at last this gal wanna tok over with him..she complaint how he treated her badly..but ya noe wat this guy said? coz u n me.. n me n other gals r not same... can hug with them.. i can touch their hands coz i got no feelings for them.. n those r purely frenship..but me n u.. not same..when i got near u.. the feelings is not same..it's affection.. it's luv.. i'm afraid when i got near u.. i can't control myself.. hope u can understand.. we've kept our promises to remain as frens...then although this gal is touched.. she say ok.. but deep inside her heart.. she actually not really can accept.. coz.. she always think.. y 2 person in luv with each other but cannot be together? y wanna make it sooo complicated? ya dun wan to noe the ending? the ending is the guy in the end told this gal.. i dun hav any more feelings toward u ... dun put any more hopes in our relationship...hahahahha...actually the main point of the story i wanna tell u is tat.. in order to let the gal 'die heart'.. u must not get close her..u must not show her any sign of giving her hope although u love her much... but for her own good.. for the sake of her"

I told someone bout the story dat my fren told me. I told the whole story. n I hurted her. I reali am. much. Maybe time can mend the hurted heart. I dunno. Im sorry to her. But sorry is no cure. I made her life complicated.. messed up n confused her mind. But i juz hope this time, I think rationally, think for the best, for the sake of her. I did this.

Hmm.. a great day for me!

Im here to crap again nia. Hmm. So so so... today was juz a typical boring day for me. But it was not when I finally hav the bravery to tell one of my bestest fren bout my SeCrEtS. haha=P I dunno y, nowadays i kenot keep my secrets well. Im juz cant help spreadin them to my frens. Quite alot frens knew my secrets d. Haha! But i dun realli mind. Coz I treat them as my close frensZ! Frens dat can rely on. frens dat can be trusted.

So.. for those frens who already knew my secrets, u guys shud be glad coz i trust u guys! muahahaha! I love u guys! thx a lot! Thx for listenin. Thx for understanding. N juz went to hav dinner with my frens. Totally forgot bout the past d. n I oso dunwan think bout it nemore.

Juz one more thg!! Damn! i din touch my hws til date. cham! alot thgs havent do leh. my chem report... maths... PA... cham! damn! 2 days left!

Im willingly to be that *angel* you love in the fairytale...

Hey ppl.. im here to crap again! hope ya all dun mind! today my frens n i went to redbox. I've been waitin for dis day since the last day of schoolin. Coz i like to sing! sing, sing n sing! I will nvr get bored once i started holdin the mic. haha. N i will forget everyting! everyting sad. everyting hurts.

Here i wanna recommend one super nice song to ya all [for those who dunno dis song].. ---Tong Hua by Guang Liang. U gonna try to listen to dis song if u r anti-mandarin-type. Hmm. It's juz comfortable. it's comfortin. It's touchin. N the lyric was my story. I sang dat song today in redbox. I sang until i cried for the third time. Coz i wanted much to sing dis song to someone... For one last time. "Im willingly to be that angel u love in the fairytale..." "Happiness n joyousness will be our ending..."


I realli hope... it will be like dat.

Life without tears is hard for me...

Today juz went for a movie with my frens. ROBOTS.. the day b4 yest.. i watched BOOGEYMAN.. The first is comedy.. the latter is horror.. but guess wat?

U r not gonna trust this. I was cryin for the whole show. They r neither horror to me nor funny to me. Im juz blinded by someone. Someone I realli love. Someone I realli care. Just let me do what i want. Just let me hold on on somethg i wanted to hold on.

Im a stupid guy. Im a useless guy. Im nobody.

The Increadible sixsome!

*Imagination is more important than knowledge*

Hmm.. these pics reminded me of the good days when school juz started dis year.. The power of six.. finally we made it. We did it. A huge project ever in my life--Preservin insects. We found the hidden creativeness inside our brain. We drew from it. The creativity has been flown. A bunch of frens. A bunch of great innovators with a "bunch" of dead insects. We rule the insects world!

No words can describe. Here it is.

Get up n get goin!

Erm.. thgs are getting better these days. dunno y though. Alot thgs happened. I confessed my wrong. Maybe there are sumthg more valuable for us to chase on. Perhaps, it's alwiz true dat the 1st step toward any prob is to admit that we hav a prob! Thgs in our path are full of obstacles n distractions. But it doesnt meant we juz leave them like dat. We shud solve them.

hmm. But gettin started is alwiz the hardest part of any task isnt it? But once u begin, the work will seems to move along. N i guessed I 've begun. Im slowly learnin. Duh.. neway, holidays are comin! im so lookin forward to meet my best frens n juz talk craps. Instead of stayin at home with the tired mind. Tmr is last schoolin day. Im so so so damn glad. Perhaps.. it's time to heal my heart.

Enjoy the joyousness~ *

>Haunted<

It's pretty early in the mornin.. The last few days have been tiresome. i havent sleep much and it's beginning to mess with my head. Im such a dumbass lately! acting so childishly.

I didnt appreciate my attitude towards many thgs and instances. The past few days have been horribly scary, but I feel I approached it wif too much of negative & arrogant standpoint ; which, as im sure u know, is definitely not indicative of my used-to-be personality.

Thgs are changin, people are changin. I dont hav anythg concrete enuff to call my own. I've begun to hate myself with a deep, inpenetrable passion. I dunno y all these thgs r happenin... Am I overdo or overburden? duh... or am I too kind? I dunno! Im not at all stupefied with tiredness, but rather, Im frustrated n confused.

Chances of the thgs are goin to remain the way they are. I dont know how u managed to blind me so badly, I hope it would be gettin clearer soon. Dont complain bout wat's happenin. Notice I am usin proper letterin dis time. I am dead serious. As deadly serious as humanly possible.

Emotionally Exhausted. Physically exhausted. Spiritually exhausted.